"Pondering
so many things, so many emotions, so many life events. Remembering the birth of
our firstborn and all the joy she is in our lives; melancholy with family in
the reality of missing our sister; celebrating the advent of our granddaughter;
longing for the reality of heaven; leaning hard into Jesus, knowing he is
enough; grateful we are part of the Family of God and appreciating their care
in our lives. Pondering so many things…"
The words above were penned on March 26, 2012,
a day after our daughter’s birthday, several days after the sudden death of
Jeff’s sister, a little over two months before our grandaughter’s birth and in
the midst of being overwhelmed with God’s good provision for our transition
into Uganda. I was pondering so many things.
And I still am. Dad Stanfield is celebrating
Easter in heaven this year. The father of Ugandan friends and colleagues is
having his first Easter in heaven also. Will our two fathers ever find out
their sons love each other and work together so our Father’s Kingdom is
proclaimed here on earth?
Palm Sunday I joined many Ugandan children and
adults waving palm branches and singing praise to our King of Kings, tears
dripping from my eyes as we expressed our love in worship of our Lord. My heart
was overflowing with God’s grace and Christ’s sacrifice for me. Then, as we
left the church a few hours later I felt bothered with the heat, annoyed at the
bugs and frustrated by the people and animals in the roadways delaying our
travel toward home.
Palm Sunday service in Jinja |
And I ponder Love, offering grace, in exactly
those moments when my, “Hosanna!” is so broken and my “Hallelujah” so
self-serving. The Way, Truth and Life comes to me, extending grace, bringing
forgiveness. I fall on my heart knees and I remember the message of the cross.
I ponder again the first four chapters of First
Corinthians, where I first discovered that the word of the cross is foolishness
in this world but in God’s kingdom it is power. As I read and ponder I realize
all over again that I belong to Christ! I do want others to regard me as a
servant of Christ and a steward of the mysteries of God. And more than
anything, more than wanting ease in travel or comfort for me I want to be a
steward that is found trustworthy. I want to reflect Christ accurately. I want
God Himself to be able to trust me.
I ponder. I confess and I find forgiveness and
grace, wrapped in unending loving kindness. I lean hard into Jesus, experiencing
He is enough. I am grateful to be part of the Family of God that helps me follow
The Way and The Truth as I ponder and learn.
And today, my “Hallelujah, He is risen!” knows
no bounds. My heart is full of gratitude, knowing my very life is dependent on
His resurrection power, the power of God.
Christine